Ok, so it’s been awhile since I’ve updated, or written anything for that matter. I am trying to get better about that. Plus, it’s not like there has been anything entertaining in the news lately. Unless you count everything related to the 2012 election. Admittedly, I am a day late for a Haloween post, but since it’s still Dia De Los Muertos, there is no reason that I can’t still have a little scare left in me. With that being said, here are the hot topical costumes that I thought everyone should have been sporting this year.
1. Politics as usual. Once again, the top slot for this year’s costume choices seemed to be a bit more on the political side, probably because it seems like the Republican primary/debate season started in February of 2009. Luckily, in the weeks leading up to Halloween, the Republican presidential candidates gave us a lot to work with. For starters, Herman Cain put on his best Clarence Thomas impersonation when he denied, then sort of admitted, then denied again, his sexual harassment allegations. I feel like there’s got to be something there for a good costume. Of course, given his past life as a pizza exec, coupled with his 9-9-9 tax plan, I feel like Herman Cain pizza/tax delivery man would have been a solid choice.
Then, over the weekend, Rick Perry sent the comedy gods a gift when he embraced his inner giddy school girl to give a nonsensical speech in New Hampshire complete with jokes about tomcats. No, seriously. So, given this erratic and odd behavior, I’m seeing a Rick Perry/Charlie Sheen combo costume thats #winning all the way. All you would need is shorts, warlock blood, a coyote pistol, and a perfectly coiffed mane to pull this one off. Extra points for tomcat-themed accessories. Jon Huntsman and Rick Santorum are locked in a duel over who can play a better invisible man/zombie, and Huntsman has the added challenge of reminding everyone that he is, in fact, a Republican.
2. Terrorism. It’s been ten years, and now with Osama out of the picture, it might be fair game for costume choices. Then again, I’ve seen too many versions of a Where’s Waldo/Osama costume combo in the past to give that too many points.
3. Celebrities. Always a solid, safe bet. This year, there are plenty of creepy gossip headlines to give us some ideas. Courtney Stodden, teen bride to the creepy Green Mile actor, has been antic-ing her way all over the blogosphere, so I feel like she and her old man (literally) ought to get some costume play. Unfortunately, a truly appropriate choice to illustrate their whacked out May-December relationship would require one person to wear a slutty schoolgirl outfit, and the other to wear a tracksuit and follow in a windowless van with “Free Candy and Babysitting” on the windows.
Then there is the Ashton Kutcher’s mistress(es) costume. Based on what I am hearing, the possibilities are endless on these. Finally, the fresh tragedy that is the Kardashian-Humphries (I hear he hyphenated) divorce. Sure, she waited until Halloween to break this one out, but someone could have hammered something out. For example, a Kris Humphries basketball uniform with one giant buttcheek (representing his 1/2 of her most lucrative asset) would have been pretty killer.
4. Sexy/naughty. Of course you can’t go wrong. It takes an ordinary costume and makes it an ordinary, but slutty, costume.
So, what is my A-number-one-perfect costume choice? Well, it sort of combines all of these into a single unifying costume. That’s why trick-or-treaters at my house were treated to candy from Sexy Col. Moammar Gadhafi, 2012 presidential candidate for the American Zombie party. That’s right, he represents that 99% of Zombies who remember the good old days in America, and don’t want the Government interfering with our right to enjoy BRRAIINS!!! Happy Halloween to all, and to all a good night.
