Today, I wanted to talk about an article that caught my eye. It appears that certain members of the Texas Board of Education, ever the protectors of the faith, are taking issue with what they call a “pro-Islamic” bias in textbooks. Some of them have come out publicly to warn textbook publishers to take away anything that they view as either pro-Islam or anti-Christian, or risk losing out on the lucrative Texas textbook market. (Say that five times fast). Not one to sit idly by and ignore this type of shenanigans, I put Jodysez’s Religion in Textbook correspondent the Rt. Rev. Merv Maladroit on the case. After a little investigation, he’s ready to defend their position and explain the hidden messages to the rest of us.
JS: Rev. Maladroit, thanks for devoting your time to this. Let’s get right to it, what are the type of passages that are offensive to the SBOE members?
MM: Well, there’s plenty of them. First, let’s look at an obvious one. In some world history books, they talk about the “atrocities” of Christian soldiers without getting into the same terrible acts by the Islamic warriors. It’s that sort of glaring bias that’s got everyone up in arms. I have a real problem with the idea that a group would try to indoctrinate our youth by forcing their religion into our textbooks at the expense of truth and learning.
JS: I can’t argue with your last point. What else? I attended K-12 in public schools and, frankly, I don’t really remember a whole lot of mention of Islam, Muslims, or otherwise in other subjects.
MM: Ah, yes, that’s the sneakiness of it all. I’ve brought a couple of books with me to show you some places where they have infiltrated our curriculum.
JS: I’m on the edge of my seat.
MM: Ok, for example, take this 7th grade algebra book. [Hands over book]. I want you to turn to any page in there, and I will prove my point.
JS: Alright, here we go….page 172.
MM: Perfect choice. Look at every single number on that page, including the page numbers. Do you know what they have in common.
JS: Not really, I was never great at algebra.
MM: They’re all “Arabic” numbers.
JS: Oh, here we go.
MM: Oh boy, you got it. Every number in any math book in Texas is an “Arabic” number. When I figured this out, I couldn’t sleep for months. This is indoctrination, plain and simple.
JS: Arabic numbers are the standards used throughout the US and much of the world. How do you plan to change that?
MM: I’m glad you asked. We’ve come up with a new set of numerals, which are either representations of freedom-loving Americans or state flags of states with Republican governors. For example, this problem on page 172 would now look like this: Solve for “y” where (George Washington) = (Ronald Reagan) + (Texas flag) y /(Minnesota flag). That way, our children learn math skills plus Real American history. We call them Freedom Integers.
JS: I think I can see where this is going. Thanks for your time—
MM: But wait, look at this crayon color that I found in a middle school art room–”Desert Sand??!!” Who do you think came up with that color? I would propose naming it “Shroud of Turin.” And then this second-grade grammar book–just read that section.
JS: ” I ran. You ran. He/she/it ran.”
MM: Don’t you see? It’s telling us to be afraid of Iran–to run away? It’s all so CLEAR!!!!
JS: This is only going to get worse, so I’m cutting it off here. Thanks for your time.
If these sorts of shenanigans keep up, pretty soon a new generation of Texas high school graduates will be asking themselves, “What is it that our childrens is learnin’?.
