So, I am an idiot. Here it is, the day before vacation and I need to pick a couple of things up at the mall. Not to mention the fact that it’s payday, and my wallet is already starting to burn a hole in my pocket. Normally, this would be no problem. But, today is special—it’s Texas Tax Free weekend. For those of you who don’t speak Lone Star, this is the weekend (close to the start of school) where everything school-related can be put on sale without any taxes. I always thought it would be better if it was called “The Everything’s 8.25% Off Sale,” but that’s just me. For ten years, I have managed to avoid this debacle by staying away from all things retail and only going to places like restaurants and grocery stores where they charge the full fare for all.
Unfortunately, the fates conspired to send me off to shop on free-for-all Friday. Off I head to my local mall, looking for a bathing suit and anything other deals that might strike my fancy. “Hey,” I thought to myself, “this might not be so bad. Anything I buy–no tax.” If only it were that simple.
So, off I head into Macy’s, where they were having their One Day Sale, which happens every weekend. I’m browsing and perusing, and looking for deals when I spot a watch that I think is pretty cool. I ask to try it on, and while checking it out, I casually mention, “Hey, this is great–tax free would save a few bucks on this.” And then the madness began.
“I’m sorry, sir,” the patient salesclerk told me, “but watches aren’t part of the tax free deal.”
“What??!” I replied incredulously. “Why wouldn’t they be? Kids in school need watches, time management is important.”
“I couldn’t tell you, sir, but they aren’t on our list as being exempt.”
“Oh, there’s a list,” I asked her, “so might I ask, then, what IS tax-exempt this weekend?”
“Well, for starters, uniforms, cleats, athletic equipment, gym clothes, dress clothes, and that kind of stuff.”
“Makes sense,” I told her, “unfortunately for me, I don’t really need any of that. What else you got?”
She looked back at her list. “How about belts, blouses, cowboy boots, coveralls, dresses, gloves, graduation gowns, hats, hosiery, jackets, jeans, jogging apparel?”
“No, not really what I’m going for here. The graduation robe might be a conversation starter, but it’s not really beachwear.”
“Nightgowns, pajamas, raincoats, religious vestments, …”
I stopped her, “Religious vestments? Well, maybe for a parochial school. Do you even sell those here?”
“I don’t make the rules, sir, I just go by the list. And yes, we have our miters and collars over by the big and tall. How about safety shoes, scout uniforms, shirts, shoes, skirts, slippers, socks, sweaters, sweatshirts, veils, vests…”
“Whoa,” I interjected, “back up one—veils? I mean, girls are getting married younger, but a back to school wedding just seems in poor taste.”
“Well, all baby clothes and diapers are on sale.”
“Obviously, with so many teen mothers running around, we’ve got to keep their younguns stylish for the new year.”
“Well, we can also give you aprons and adult diapers tax free, could you use either of those?”
“I dunno, Depends.”
“Ooh, here’s a good one, bowling shirts are tax free!”
“Bowling shirts? I know my high school didn’t have that team.”
“Fishing vests are also non-taxable, and so are leg warmers and leotards.”
“Alright, I think I’m getting the picture. I’ll pass on the watch, but lemme’ see what else I can come up with.”
And so, thirty minutes later, I (and three sales associates) loaded the last of my boxes into the car. To say that I cleaned up would be an understatement. So, if you happen to be in the Myrtle Beach area next week and you run across somebody dressed in a cassock, leg warmers, and adult diapers putting hooks into his fishing vest, give me a wave. You might also spot a certain little Shih-Tzu tooling around FW in a brand new array of baby clothes. All in all, I can say that my tax-free shopping experience was a rousing success. Can’t wait until next year–I’ve already got my eye on an awesome veil.
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/headline/biz/5945081.html
